It seems a very long time ago now, but i went for a trip to Wales in August, i went with ambitions to tick a lot of problems and finally get some good climbing done on rock. But because of constant rain, getting a bit fed up of the constant rain and getting sick of camping, the climbing i did was poor and i was disappointed to say the least, i don't think it helped that my great-nan passed away before i went, and i had to return home half way through the trip for her funeral, she was a massive part of my life and it really affected me when she died. Even though she didn't really grasp what climbing was, how it worked, or how the competitions worked, she took a massive interest in it and was always supportive of everything, always wished me good luck with everything. And i didn't really feel myself on the trip, no motivation, and putting myself down with my climbing, not a successful trip.
When i got home from Wales i didn't feel psyched to climb at all, i had some time off and did general teenage things, go and see friends, go to the occasional party and i had a lot of fun and made a lot of new friends. I hadn't started college yet either, so it felt amazing to not have to do anything, to have free time to do anything i wanted, and not have the constant thought of training and the worries of climbing on my mind, i felt like an actual teenager.
Eventually psyche returned and i was back to training, fitness training. I'd never really done anything like this before and it felt good to have a big change in my training. My aim was to get light, lose some weight and just get a better fitness base for climbing in general and competitions. I definitely got a lot fitter and could climb for a long time while climbing a lot of hard problems and still feel strong. But i've always had trouble with losing weight and keeping weight off. Everyone says 'oh you're young, its fine, don't worry about it.' But how can a 16 year old girl not worry about her weight if she isn't happy with it? Especially when i see other female climbers, younger than me, my own age and older than me, who look athletically fit and i'm not going to lie i envy them. Even when climbing, when i'm in the environment i love, i still feel self-conscious and im always wondering if someone is staring and wondering why i'm not super athletic if i train so much. And i try to forget about it, but it's hard, and especially in todays world, where according to magazines to be attractive you have to be super thin, no masculinity and look perfect all the time. It angers me a lot especially when people who have no idea who i am or what i do, judge me because i am more muscular than the average teenage girl. Especially at college, where the boys want 'perfect girls', and there are 'perfect' girls everywhere.
Anyway, enough of the typical teenage girl whining, i just think some people don't realise how hard it is sometimes, for everyone, have some consideration and don't judge someone for what you see straight away. I guess that's the general message i'm trying to get across.
So, i started college, and motivation was low again with the stress of it all, all the work, then having a job on top of that, then trying to train on top of that. It's hard, and i'm still trying to find the balance where everything works. I'm not worried about my climbing because i don't feel as psyched as i should, i think its good to feel like that sometimes, because when motivation returns you will feel more psyched then ever.
After the BBC's, this year has been quite strange with all thats happened and i feel a lot more mature for it, dealing with so much at once. But now i feel i'm starting to focus on climbing again now i've settled into college. Theres a comp on saturday at The Depot, the Battle Of Britain which i am competing in, it's my first comp since the BBC's and i want to see how i'm performing, there will probably be more blogs to come seen as there are that many comps coming up.
The main focus of mine is the Youth Open Event on the 9th December at The Climbing Hangar, it's part of the selection for the new GB youth bouldering team, and i want to get on it. There's no doubt about it, and i hope the fluctuation in my climbing won't have affected how i'm going to perform on the day, i mean i still feel strong, i just don't know how i'm going to compare to the other competitors. But we shall see.
Anyway, that's enough rubbish from me, just crossing my fingers that this cold disappears asap. It's rendered me useless. Time to drink more tea and possibly fall asleep, peace out.