Dealing With Failure

I was meant to write a blog soon after the Bouldering Youth Open Event on the 9th December. But i didn't exactly feel like exposing how badly i had done. I don't want to go into the details but I made it into finals and came 6th overall. Which is 5 places down from my result from the summer in Youth A. And i didn't make it on to the Youth Bouldering Team which was my main goal. I can't actually describe how demotivated i felt and how angry and upset with myself i was. I could make all sorts of excuses to why i had done so badly and the list would be huge, but instead i'm going to concentrate on getting fit and strong again for next year. I think it's awesome how all the competitors did over the weekend too, well done to them all.

2012 has been an interesting year. Up to July i was fit and strong and climbing better than ever, i was getting great results all year. Then things went downhill from about August and my other blogs explain some of the reasons why. Illness has been a big factor in how my climbing had stopped progressing, i actually can't remember the last time i felt well. But things like this happen and it stops you from climbing well and training. You've just got to let it pass and do all you can to get yourself better. That's what i'm trying to do and it's pointless attempting to climb hard at the moment. A huge part of climbing well and being fit and healthy is diet in my opinion. If you don't feed your body what it needs how is it going to get stronger and cope with hard training? And by improving diet i don't mean eating a carrot a day, i mean eating regular, balanced meals of nutritious foods everyday. This has always been a struggle and i feel that it is finally the time to kick myself and realise that my climbing is not going to get better unless i eat well. And this time my mum is even wanting to eat better too, which is a relief seeing as i live with her! This also gave me an idea for her Christmas present, an alkaline recipe book, and i can make her feel guilty if she doesn't use it!

One of many things that isn't really recognised in climbing is how young people have to deal with failure by themselves. I know loads of people that weren't happy with themselves in many comps, including the youth opens. And they had to deal with it, myself included. Yes there are parents, coaches and friends but sometimes it's difficult for them to understand how you're feeling if they have never been in your position before. I'm lucky because my coach, Lucinda Whittaker, has been in my position before so i feel entirely comfortable in talking to her about how i'm climbing and comp results. But some young people don't have that. Especially young girls that climb with their dads and i doubt that many dads understand how difficult it is for a young teenage girl to cope with not doing their best in a competition or not climbing well for a while. Or if a young girl has a male coach that hasn't got knowledge of how girls work, it can be so hard for both the climber and coach/parent. I know this because i have been through it, seen as i have always climbed with my dad.

Anyway, my plans for 2013 are big changes in my lifestyle. I want to get stronger and fitter than ever before. I want to surpass anyones expectations of myself and prove that the 9th December was just a bad day and that i can represent Great Britain around the world. This is a huge task and it isn't going to be easy, but i am definitely prepared to put in the effort. I've joined the gym, which is going to help me get fit. My diet is going to improve. And i am going to be training hard so that at the second round of the JBBC's i can prove myself. And then go on to bigger things. This is definitely a plan i am going to stick to.

Time To Try Harder.

So it’s that time.  The Junior British Bouldering Team Trials are on Sunday, which is also the first round of the new Junior British Bouldering Championships. This is generally the time where all my worries are cropping up every day and I wonder if I did enough or did the right thing. But instead of thinking this, I am totally relaxed about it. There is nothing I can do now, apart from take it easy and rest. I know I can climb at a decent level and it’s time to put an effort in. I’m not quite sure what has triggered this new attitude, maybe a new massive level of psyche that has kicked in? Probably. But I just feel like there is no point in worrying, it only hinders you. So what I haven’t trained much recently? So what I’ve been ill? So what I’m not in the best shape I could be? All these things certainly haven’t helped my climbing, but it’s definitely given me a new insight into how I should look at my climbing. Even after a pretty big break of not climbing much and not climbing well, the past couple of weeks have really looked up, and I just hope I don’t let myself, and others, down on Sunday.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I competed in the Battle of Britain at The Depot Leeds. Which was a stupid idea. I had an awful cold and I wasn’t fit to compete at all, I let the idiotic side of me trash myself in the comp. I missed out on finals and left feeling in even worse shape, tired and miserable. But life goes on, and the next comp was the Monday after at the Foundry, which again wasn’t such a fantastic idea. Needless to say I felt weak and tired and ill. I think you are probably getting the idea. The following Friday I competed in the bouldering league at The Climbing Works. Guess what? I felt weak, not as weak as I had previously been but still, nowhere near the level I usually climb at. I still managed to win the juniors and the seniors, probably due to some people not handing in their scorecards. But still, a wins a win. 

After a few sessions I started to feel slightly stronger, and I gradually got rid of my cold and my strength began to return, sort of. Then the Saturday just gone there was the round of the NIBL at the works, I really wanted to do well in this comp, and I thought I would as I felt quite strong when I was warming up. But for some reason when I climbed I kept fumbling holds and I didn’t feel like I was trying, maybe my body was tired or not fully recovered from being ill. Not making excuses or anything... But in the end I came fourth in the senior women’s, alright I suppose.

After more sessions of just loads of climbing, I definitely feel like my strength and climbing is getting there now, and I’ve just been enjoying climbing, trying a lot of fun problems, and brushing up on my funky dyno skills for Sunday.

Also, I joined the gym at college today, which I will start to go to quite a bit after this comp. I’m doing this for a few reasons. And if you read my last blog you might have an idea of them. But I feel I have a healthier goal now. And I’ve also sorted out my revision and college work so my head feels in a much better place.

Tomorrow night is my last session, be it a very easy one, before the comp. I don’t know if I’m going to make it on to the British Team. All I can do is put my everything into every problem and wait and see. All I know is that if I do make it on to the team, my amount of psyche will be insane and I will be training like a mentalist. I want to be able to make my climbing to go extraordinary places. And personally, I don’t see why it can’t.